The American Way of Death

Trent Nelson/AP- Pool

I mean, if it takes a minute for a guy to die after you’ve shot him, but it takes nine minutes to polish a guy off by lethal injection (and that’s if you can even find a vein), I think we’re looking at a pretty elegant solution here, don’t you? Except, if those bullet holes are so closely clustered, why the need for all those pristine-looking sandbags?

There are only a few details I might want to change. For example, how about a lighter, more friendly shade of wood; a cup holder able to accommodate at least a 42 ounce Coke; a 60 inch flat screen TV mounted to the end of the platform facing toward, and eye-level to, the head thingy, and an American flag (since we’ve plastered it on every other official thing since, at least, 9/11)?

(caption: The execution chamber at the Utah State Prison after Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed by firing squad Friday, June 18, 2010. The bullet holes are visible in the wood panel behind the chair. Gardner was convicted of aggravated murder, a capital felony, in 1985.)